Suspenders instead of pick-up lines

I let my gaze wander leisurely through the bar when my eyes catch hold of an extremely attractive lady. As I look at the scene, it soon dawns on me that the lady must know most of the pick-up lines by heart. Not because she has rehearsed them or learned them by heart, but rather because her knowledge is the result of constant repetition. One guy after another lines up to get a pat on the back from the lady for his exceptional skills. When it is finally my turn and I struggle to get to the punch line of my pick-up line and she adds a pitying look and a better sense of timing for me, I leave in humiliation. Out of the corner of my eye I see my friends grinning. High time for some liquid heroism.

We have to admit, the pick-up line is dead and we men killed it! Sad news, but there is a solution, because it seems that there is an obscure mathematical law that guarantees success with women. The mathematical principle is: Wear suspenders!

What is the interaction between suspenders and a successful evening?

Allow me to explain this principle in more detail. Walk into any random, crowded bar and look at the women inside. Research shows that approximately 95 out of 100 women don't like suspenders because they despise eccentricity. Many women even find suspenders pretentious. There's nothing we can do about it, so we don't waste energy on it.

However, such things always have a downside. The good news is that 5 out of 100 women in the bar like suspenders. Yes, they even love them. Now notice the men in the bar. Take your time and let your eyes wander over each of them. What do you notice? How many of them are wearing suspenders? That's right! None of the men are wearing suspenders. They're all wearing belts! Let these men fight over the masses and use your energy to make successful advances.

The pre-selection is over and it already promises to be a happy evening. After all, you can choose from five women tonight alone. Give them an excuse to say something about your braces, touch them or even take a photo of them. Usually it is enough to get close to the ladies. A modest round of the bar is usually enough to draw attention to you (or your braces). Alternatively, lean nonchalantly over the bar. In the spotlight, your braces will look their best. Voilà! All around you, missed opportunities and closed doors because the men (of course they deserve praise for their bravery, if not for their originality) do not miss the opportunity to misuse language. For you, however, five doors open simultaneously without you having to say a word. Just let your braces do the talking.

However, braces also carry risks. A small warning is in order:

1. While you can expect the undivided attention of the most stubborn ladies, you should also prepare for mischievous college girls. In the world of college and sorority, suspenders are not uncommon.
2. The communicative function of suspenders correlates with time. The later it gets, the greater the chance of a fight. Your suspenders will not only attract the attention of admirers, but also of envious people. Prepare yourself well for kisses and punches.